The Dangerous Game of Six
by Love Psychedelico
Summary: [CRACK] Darren, Larten, Gavner, Kurda, Vanez and Harkat get together for a dangerous and hilarious game of Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Torture, Kiss or Would you Rather where all havoc breaks loose. Oneshot. Slight KurdaHarkat, maybe.


Author's Note – Alright. This is a crazy little one-shot based in the 5th book which just popped into my mind the second someone suggested a KurdaHarkat. No, no, this isn't really a KurdaHarkat. This is just a crazy little one-shot in which all havoc breaks loose as six friends get together to play a simple game of Truth or Dare.

So I dedicate this fic to the one and only, extremely-talented, best DS writer in this fandom**, The Freaky Butt Mate**! It's your fault I had to write this, dear Aussie mate, because _you_ suggested Kurda/Harkat. Hmph.

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**The Dangerous Game of Six**

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'Silence!'

Kurda demanded, standing up, and clapping his hands twice above himself. The other five who had been summoned here by him, fell silent and looked at him.

'We gather here today,' he announced, 'to celebrate in anticipation Darren's upcoming trials, to help him relax and wish him luck for his first trial tomorrow. Everyone please make him feel welcome!'

The blonde vampire clapped – four others joined in, smiling at the childish black-haired boy who blushed slightly from the attention. Next to him sat Harkat Mulds, the grey-skinned Little person, and Gavner Purl, the messy-haired rugged General. Next to Harkat sat an orange-haired stern-looking vampire, Larten Crepsley – Darren's sire. To the right of Gavner was the one-eyed Gamesmaster, Vanez Blane, and to his side, the slender organiser of this party and the soon-to-be Prince, Kurda Smahlt. He opened his mouth again.

'I was planning on us playing some sort of game together. Any suggestions?'

'STRIP POKER!'

Vanez yelled immediately, his only eye glinting mischievously. Kurda rolled his eyes.

'Honestly, Vanez, you really want to see naked old men?'

'I'm not...a man. Not that I'm...a woman, either...'

Harkat said, lowering his mask and grinning. Kurda palmed his forehead and sighed.

'Alright. Vanez, do you really want to see naked old men, and a naked Little Person?'

'Why not? I've always been interested what Little People looked like naked.'

Vanez grinned, chewing on some gum. Kurda ignored him and turned his attention to Darren.

'Any other suggestions? What do _you_ want to do, Darren?'

'Me?' Darren said, bit his lip, thought for a while, then said in a sudden burst of inspiration: 'Truth or Dare!'

'Truth or Dare, eh?' Kurda smiled.'Good idea.'

'But let's make it more interesting than _just_ a simple game of Truth and Dare.'

Darren said, grinning. Everyone looked at him, questioningly. Darren continued:

'Well, since there's six of us, let's have six different options. Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Torture, Kiss, or Would You Rather.'

'...What, on earth?'

Gavner frowned, not getting it at all. Larten frowned even deeper, and asked:

'How do you play this, Darren? I have never heard of it, but it sounds incredibly humiliating.'

'It _is_.' Kurda sighed. 'It's the most humiliating game ever invented by the human race.'

'What are we waiting for, then? Let's do it!'

Vanez said, grinning maniacally. Larten and Gavner still looked totally clueless – Kurda sat down and started explaining the rules.

'Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Kiss, Torture or Would you Rather is one of the most embarrassing games on earth. We have to sit in a circle, and take turns drawing people's names out of a hat. The person who drew the name is allowed to ask that person which one they would like to do – for example if I draw you, Gavner, I can ask you which one you want to do, out of the six options. Truth means that Gavner would have to answer a question asked by me. Dare is similar, but Gavner would have to _do_ something dared by me. Double Dare is when both Gavner and I have to do the same dare that I say. Kiss is obviously a dare to kiss a designated person within the group, Torture is me torturing Gavner in some way, and Would You Rather is answering to a two-choice question starting with that phrase. You are also not allowed to chose the same option. For example, if someone chose Dare, no one else is allowed to choose it from then on. So the list narrows down as we take turns, and the last person to be drawn out of the hat won't have a choice. You'll get used to the rules as we go, any way. Ready to start, then?'

Kurda looked around the table – everyone nodded. Kurda then wrote everyone's name on some ripped pieces of parchment, and put it in a hat.

'I'll draw first,' he said, 'to demonstrate the rules.'

Kurda closed his eyes, put his hand in the hat, mixed the contents around a little, picked a name, and read it out.

'...Kurda Smahlt...oops. That's me. I'll try again.'

He grinned, put the name back in the hat, and repeated the process.

'...Darren Shan,' he read out, 'Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Torture, Kiss or Would you Rather?'

Kurda raised an eyebrow and glanced at Darren. Darren grinned.

'I'll take it safe. Truth.'

'Truth, eh? Hmm...'

Kurda thought for a while, fiddling his fingers, then said:

'Alright. Say what animal reminds you of any two people here, and why.'

'That's _easy_!'

Darren grinned, and looked straight at Larten.

'You remind me of a rooster, because your hair looks just like a crown.'

He said fearlessly, grinning. Everyone froze in fear of Larten's reaction – but Larten just went bright red, and glared at Darren, scratching his cheek furiously. Darren continued.

'Gavner, you're a bear of course. Even _their_ roaring can't beat your snoring though, I bet.'

Gavner joined Larten, flushing bright pink, and biting his lip. Darren laughed.

'Done. That was easy. Who's drawing next?'

'We'll take turns in a circle. Vanez, you go next, since you're next to me.'

Kurda said, passing the hat to Vanez.

'My pleasure.'

Vanez smiled, and grabbed a name randomly from the hat. He read it out loud:

'Harkat...Mulds.'

Harkat looked up, his huge green eyes waiting for Vanez to ask. Vanez grinned.

'Harkat – Dare, Double Dare, Torture, Kiss or Would you Rather?'

'...Would you Rather...sounds easy...enough.'

'Great! 'Cause there's something I've been _dying_ to aske you.'

'...Go on.'

'Would you rather have sex with...'

'VANEZ!'

Kurda cleared his throat loudly as a warning, shooting a glance at young Darren. Vanez rolled his eyes.

'What, it's not like he still thinks babies come drifting down a river in a nice little basket, wrapped in pink velvet blankets and covered in petals, is it? Darren, you know what sex is, don't...'

'Vanez Blane, if you don't shut your filthy mouth this very moment, I'll kick you out of the game!'

'Alright, alright. If you think Darren shouldn't be educated properly, then so be it. I'll reword the question. Harkat, would you rather _kiss_ males or females?'

Everyone looked at Harkat in anticipation – Harkat opened his mouth after a long silence.

'I think I'd...rather kiss...males...because I know them better...than females...Females seem scary...and violent...from what I know...so far...'

Harkat said, and smiled showing his sharp teeth. everyone laughed, agreeing with the comment about females. Vanez then passed the hat to Larten.

'Your turn.'

'So it is.'

Larten smirked. He picked a name out, showed it to Gavner who whispered it to him (Larten can't read), and his grin spread even more.

'Well, well, well. I've been waiting for this day, Vanez Blane. Dare, Double Dare, Torture or Kiss?'

'I am the king of dares!'

Vanez said loudly, and growled like a lion. Larten grinned.

'Well then, 'king of dares', you are to go to the nearest Prince, sing two love songs to him, and then propose to him.'

'WHAT?'

Vanez went pale instantly, his face so white it looked like he had suddenly died. Kurda slapped his back, grinning broadly.

'So. 'King of dares'. Guess who the nearest Prince is?'

Vanez moved his head reluctantly, and looked around the Hall. He froze. And then groaned, burying his face in his hands. Prince Mika Ver Leth sat just two tables away, reading some documents and eating a late dinner by himself.

'Why, God, _why_? Why _me_? Why _him_?

Vanez groaned loudly. Darren started clapping and chanting:

'King of dares! King of dares! King of dares...!'

The other four joined in, clapping and chanting together. Vanez stood up suddenly, glaring in Mika's direction determinedly.

'Alright, alright, I'll go!'

He yelled, and strode towards Mika's table. The remaining five went silent, made the death sign and said together quietly:

'Vanez Blane, even in death, may you be triumphant...'

Meanwhile, Vanez had reached Mika's table. Mika stared up at him questioningly, chewing on some rat meat. Vanez gulped, opened his mouth, put his hand on his heart and started singing suddenly and loudly:

'Hey Mikkie you're so fine, you're so fine you broke my heart, hey Mikkie! Hey, hey, hey Mikkie!'

Vanez continued the song until he had sung it once, then twirled around, kneeled in front of the choking Prince, took his free hand, starting another song:

'Ooh little Mi you're killing me, baby. I want you so badly, yeah... Kiss me so sweetly that you'd break me in pieces, oh how I wish you were mine, yeah! I want to melt in you forever – ooh, ooh, oohh – please be my babe, little Mi!'

Vanez finished singing, kissed Mika's hand lightly, gazed up into his extremely confused eyes and exclaimed passionately:

'Oh Mika, my _darling_, will you marry me?'

There was a long silence in the whole hall, as everyone fell silent, swallowed their breath and watched intently. Mika suddenly went a complicated shade of red and green, spewed some chewed up rat steak and bat soup on Vanez's head, then ran out of hall, looking extremely sick.

Vanez wiped off the sloppy stew-like liquid from his head, sighed, and looked at Larten:

'Happy now, Larten?'

'Very.'

Larten grinned, looking extremely contented indeed.

'You are next, Harkat.'

He said, and passed the hat to Harkat. Harkat grabbed it, selected a name at random, and pulled his mask off to read it out loud:

'Gavner Purl...Double Dare, Torture...or Kiss?'

Gavner bit his lip to think, and opened his mouth thoughtfully:

'There's nothing you can do and I can't, and besides – you won't choose anything too embarrassing 'cause you'd have to do it too, right? So I choose...Double Dare!'

'Double Dare...it is, then.'

Harkat grinned mischievously, and continued:

'You and I will...stand up on the...table and...flash our underwear...to the whole hall... I think the...world deserves to see...your wonderfully stylish...boxers, Gavner.'

Harkat finished, grinning. Gavner's jaw dropped open.

'You can't...you wouldn't...oh please no...!'

'Do you want...me to go...first?'

Harkat said, still grinning. The other four were cracking themselves up, Larten laughing so loud and violently that he nearly fell off his chair. Harkat swiftly jumped onto the table, and lifted his robes up. He had small blue boxers that were patched up just like his skin – Vanez commented on how cute it was, and Larten on how stylish it was compared to a certain someone else's. Harkat pulled Gavner up onto the table, then jumped down. Gavner was bright red, and looked close to tears.

The next few moments were totally hilarious. The whole hall (including Seba Arra in the corner and Mika who had just come back to get the documents he had left behind) stood witness to the ugliest pair of boxers on earth, and instantly broke into wild laughter. Larten was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his face, and Harkat had to give him a glass of water to stop him from choking.

When Gavner had come down, face so burning hot that anyone could have cooked an omelette on it, Harkat passed the hat (with the two remaining names) to Darren. Darren shuffled the insides, drew out a name and grinned.

'My dear sire,' he said, 'Torture or kiss?'

Larten stopped laughing at once – he had forgotten that his turn hadn't come yet. He scratched his cheek, frowning.

'Torture or kiss? I would rather die in the flaming fires of hell than kiss a male!'

'Alright. Torture it is, then. Hmmmmm... How can I torture you?'

'You would probably only come up with something pathetic like tickling me, or...'

'I KNOW!'

'...What?'

'I'll plait your fluffy little excuse of some hair and put pink ribbons in it! And you have to wear them _all_ night!'

'WHAT?'

'You heard me.'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'No!'

'Yes! Who here can plait hair? Harkat? Kurda? Come help me!'

And so Larten's torture was carried out – he had tiny pigtails on the top of his almost-bald head, with pink ribbons attached to each plait end. He almost cried when Arra saw him at the other side of the hall, and waved to him.

Darren passed the hat to Gavner. There wasn't much point in drawing the last name, but he looked at it anyway.

'Kurda Smahlt. Kiss, or...ooh, kiss is the only option, now.'

Gavner smirked evilly – Kurda went pale. Gavner looked at Harkat meaningfully.

'Harkat, old mate, thankyou for humiliating me a few minutes ago. Now I get my revenge. You remember saying you'd rather kiss males, don't you? Well, I shall grant your wish – right here, right now.'

Kurda went corpse-white, and stuttered:

'W-w-wait, G-gavner, you can't – that's not...oh please...!'

'Kurda Smahlt,' Gavner interrupted Kurda's desperate pleas, 'You are to French-kiss Harkat, tongue and all, for at least 10 seconds. I will time you. Stunning finale to a great game of Truth and Dare, don't you think?'

Gavner grinned – Larten, Vanez and Darren cheered. Harkat seemed to be blushing slightly – his usually grey cheeks were an unusual shade of purple – Kurda bit his shaking lip, glaring at Gavner. Gavner cackled.

'You won't chicken out now, would you, General Kurda, Prince-to-be? Everyone else did what they were dared – you wouldn't want everyone to think you're a coward, would you?'

'You evil, _evil_ demon!'

Kurda hissed, and shot one last glare at Gavner. He then took a deep breath, turned to the blushing Harkat, bent down to his height, pulled his mask off and said to him reassuringly as if to himself:

'It's okay, Harkat, ten seconds isn't that long. We'll survive, won't we? It won't be that bad.'

Kurda cleared his throat, gulped, then stared at the little Person's huge green eyes. They were rather cute, really. And then the lipless mouth. Here I go, Kurda thought, closed his eyes, and leaned forward. His mouth joined with Harkat's – it was warmer and sweeter than he had expected, he realised, as he deepened the kiss. The Little Person's teeth were sharp and got in the way of his tongue – but apart from that, it wasn't that different to a normal kiss. He could hear everyone jeer and scream around them – but nothing seemed to matter now. He had realised how wonderful this kiss was, and didn't stop even when Gavner announced "Ten seconds up!"...

For Kurda and the Little Person, it truly _was_ a stunning finale (or perhaps a prelude) to a very exciting night...

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A.N. – Okay, okay, don't hit me! It was an impulsive thing! I wrote it in half an hour! I was bored! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't throw me too many flamers, I _am_ a human being and I _do_ get hurt. But if you would be so kind, please review and let me know what you think. I may write a sequel if people liked this one. 


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